Something for your face in between brewskis
The world’s biggest beer festival is coming up, and the world’s wildest travel company plans on breaking even more beer drinking records. But Oktoberfest isn’t only about the beer, despite it being delicious and strong. We’re also about the tradition, the outfits, the oompah bands, the funfair and, especially, the food. So here are six things you have to eat at Oktoberfest (come for three days, eat two things. Easys).
Schweinshaxe aka pork knuckle
This is the big daddy, the kaiser, of German beer drinking food. The schweinshaxe is a big hunk of pork, located on the joint of two bones. Which bones they are we don’t know. What we do know is that the meat is absolutely succulent, the crackling perfectly crisp, and the whole thing is drenched in delicious gravy. A pork knuckle is the perfect meal to add to your beer drinking session, filling you up with booze-absorbing goodness and giving you all the energy you need to dance the morning/afternoon/night away. Plus you will feel like Germanic tribal warrior royalty ripping your fangs into a big chunk of meat while holding onto the bone. You’re a savage.
Hendel aka roast chicken
It’s just a roast chicken, you’ve had roast chicken before, how special could this roast chicken be? The answer is very special. Plenty special. Amazingly fantastically wonderfully special. The way the Germans cook their hendel is a mystery to us, but whatever they do they take the humble roast chook and make it something to be desired. To drool over. To dream about after you’re done devouring it. Ripping into a hendel is also a great way to prepare your body for the drinking and dancing onslaught that’s to come, plus it’s more healthy than the pork knuckle, if only slightly.
Brezel aka pretzels
Ok so pork knuckles and roast chickens are a little bit expensive in Oktoberfest’s beer halls, and really they are more of an event, or an experience, than something you do because you’re peckish. The humble brezel, however, is affordable and always available, carried from table to table by walking pretzel ladies wearing traditional dirndls. These pretzels are HUGE, bigger than your head by a long way, and thick, and salty. They’re just pure bread, crisped on the outside, so don’t expect many vitamins or minerals, but they’ll fill you up and absorb some of the beer you’ll be pouring inside your face.
Rettich aka radish
Is this the odd one out of this list otherwise filled with delicious, hearty, filling and mostly unhealthy beer drinking food? Yes it is! But also, it isn’t. Radishes are sold in the beer halls by, mostly, ladies dressed in traditional garb who walk from table to table. You eat the rettich, which is literally just a radish, raw with plenty of salt. It’s got a real zest to it, and it’s fresh, and the salt makes you thirsty, and you’ll feel healthy because you ate a radish, so you can go back to beer and the occasional piece of someone else’s pretzel.
Bratwurst mit sauerkraut aka German sausage with pickled cabbage
Who doesn’t love a bit of German sausage? Everybody loves German sausage, except maybe vegetarians, who love sauerkraut. The combination is fantastic, especially when there’s a bit of potato salad on there, and covers all the food groups, from grilled meat-ish to fermented cruciferous vegetable, to mayonnaise. You can eat the bratwurst on a bun, with mustard and ketchup and some sauerkraut, or you can eat it on a plate with potato salad. It’s not healthy, but it’s hearty, and it’s a staple, so get it in your face in the name of being cultured.
Jemandes Gesicht aka somebody’s face
What’s the point of eating all this food if you’re not going to have a little fun? Once your belly is full and you’re feeling fabulous, drink some courage juice by the litre and then find someone whose face you want to devour. Extra bonus fun if you can convince them to rub your belly while you’re making out with them.
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