In a follow up to our previous guide on making sure everyone in your dorm hates you, hold onto your hats – it’s time for the campsite edition. Oktoberfest is fast approaching so we thought we’d pay homage to our biggest camping festival of the year and make sure that you’re well equipped to have everyone hating you in record time. It’s pretty similar, and easier than you’d think, but given the fact a tent is a little more private than a dorm room and a campsite is a lot bigger, there are many more ways to make a pest of yourself. Out in the open with less rules and regulations, you can get away with much more, meaning the hate levels rise pretty damn quickly. After years in the business, we like to think of ourselves as camping experts who know how to stir a pot or two and we’re willing to share our tips with you… (our camping tips you sicko)
- Don’t bother organising a tent and claim someone else’s
If you find yourself weary eyed and feeling like you can’t carry on, all you need to do is smoke-bomb back to the campsite before everyone else and take your pick of the tents. Who cares if it’s yours – there are no friends in the tent game. This is a sure fire way to piss someone off pretty much straight away, whether you know them or not. They won’t know who is passed out in their tent because it’s dark and they’ll be super inconvenienced by you being there. When the light of day breaks and they see who you are, you’ll instantly be hated. Well done.
- Use the campsite as your own personal toilet
Whether this be for pissing, shitting or vomiting up the litres of beer you’ve consumed over the course of the evening, just let it out wherever you like. In tents, on tents, around tents – wherever you see fit depending on how angry you want people to get. This is a real gear grinder, especially if you combine this with step one. Pissing on someone else’s tent is always going to get you in the bad books, even more so if they’re in it trying to sleep, or worse, they’re trying to get it on. Vomiting or shitting in/on someone else’s tent is pretty much a death sentence. Don’t do this unless you REALLY want to be hated.
*You’ll probably have to clean it up at some point so think carefully before following through with this one.
- Push in line at the bar/kitchen
Everyone is thirsty, everyone is hungry. We’re all waiting in line for a refreshing beverage or some tucker and a slippery little snake just slithers their way in front of you in the line. How would you feel about this? Pretty mad huh. Whoever you do this to will be just as mad, especially if you continue to do it day after day, night after night. You’ll eventually make a name for yourself and be hated by almost everyone at the campsite. You have to commit to this step to make it the most effective, you won’t be hated as much if you only push in once, you have to be a repeat offender to really get the full effect.
- Stumble back to your tent and trip over 50 along the way
It’s dark, you’re drunk and trying to make your way back to your humble abode. You think you know the way but you get seriously lost. You can’t really see where you’re going, mostly because you’re fuck-eyed but partly because of the lack of light. As you stumble around, making your way through a sea of tents, you bump into at least every second one, followed by a very loud whisper of Shit, FUCK, oops. While the rest of the campsite attempts to get at least two hours of shut eye, you’re out here being a massive pest and kicking their tents left right and centre. Again, extra points if you do this repeatedly.
- Have really loud sex in your tent that is surrounded by hundreds of other tents
We all know that sleeping in a tent is basically just being outdoors with a sheet separating you from the person next to you. There is literally no sound protection in those bad boys and after spending a week right in the guts of the campsite, you’ll be fully qualified to vouch for this fact. What better way to make your neighbours hate you then to continue to have loud sex, despite knowing that they can hear every little sound, right down to the sound of your air mattress slowly deflating under pressure. If you’re going to do this, really do it. Commit to the task at hand and really give the people something to talk/bitch about in the morning.
If you follow these five steps closely, there’s no way you will be making it out of camp un-hated. From September 20th – October 8th, you have every opportunity to come and put your new-found skills into practice at our Oktoberfest camp. There’ll be thousands of tents and just as many people for you to annoy. As many litres of pure, unadulterated, beautiful German beer as you heart desires and some of the best drunken eats you’ll ever come across. Sounds fun right? Book your spot now and come and experience all the magic that is Oktoberfest with Stoke Travel.
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