As the Jackson Four once said, “O-K-T,  it’s as easy as S-T-O-K-E”, and we gotta agree. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who has spent more time at the world’s biggest beer festival, who brings more party animals and beer monsters to  Munich, but especially who has as much FUN! But what does Oktoberfest mean when we break it down letter by letter? Well, you might be pleasantly (or not-so-pleasantly) surprised if you read on (and if readin’ ain’t your thing, just book the damn Oktoberfest trip now).

O is for Of Course You’re Coming

It’s the world’s biggest, best and original beer fest and our Stoketoberfest party campsite is the thing of legend (mostly great legends, some bad, maybe one or two horrific – when our volunteer crew find a checked-out tent with a human poop left in it. Interested? Apply to be a Stoke Travel festival crew member here).

K is for Don’t Steal From Horses

We strongly recommend that you stick to the beers at this festival of beers, but if you’re that way inclined here’s a guide to doing drugs at Oktoberfest.

T is for Tents, Specifically Our Funtime Group Tents

In my notes here I had (insert orgy joke) but we can’t always live in the gutter. Sometimes we must aim for the stars. So check out our special Oktoberfest Funtime Group Tents, where you pay for the space and get as many people in there as you want (up to eight). The advantages? You’ll be all together, cozying up, you can stand up inside to get changed, there’s space for your bags and whathaveyou, and if you want to have an orgy it’s the best place for it.

BUT THEY ARE SELLING FAST SO GET YOUR GROUP-ON NOW!

O is for Oh Fuck The Flights Are Expensive

Well look, they’re not that bad considering that you’re flying into the world’s biggest beer festival, which attracts monsters from all over the world. For all the info on arriving by plane, train, automobile and our private party buses, then why not look at our Oktoberfest transport guide (or book your direct Stoke Travel transfer-accommodation-and-party package from The Netherlands, Italy, Switzerland, The Czech Republic, Hungary and Poland.

B is for Beer

Duh. Here’s your guide to Oktoberfest beers, it’s a very comprehensive guide because we have very comprehensively drunk it. We also have a guide to the Oktoberfest Beer Halls, here.

E is for Everybody’s Welcome, Especially Your Grandma

If she comes, she comes for free. No joke. And apart from your grandma, everyone is welcome, and we firmly believe in a more = merrier Stoketoberfest. We will be hosting around 2000 people on our busiest weekend nights, and not too far off during the less crowded weekdays, and every single one of them – EVERY SINGLE ONE – is potentially your new best friend.

R is for Rockin’ and Rollin’ All Night Long

We’re talking bands, DJs, drinking games, our open beer and sangria bar, blah blah blah. We’re talking, why the fuck would you stay in a hostel where you’re socialising in a miserable common area with a bunch of shush-merchants, or worse still in a hotel where the only person you talk to is housekeeping who are banging on the door asking what that smell is and why can’t they come in. Here’s how staying with Stoke saves you beer money.

F is for Fucking and Frolikcing and Fondling and Felating and even Felching

SO LONG AS YOU KEEP IT CONSENSUAL. We’re all about love and free love and lust and even getting laid because you’re bored, but we’re even more about consent and respect and not being a GODDAMN CREEP. If you give people the ick with your critter behaviour you’ll be booted. Yes means yes and consent is sexy.

E is for Ein Prosit

The most classic of the Oktoberfest Beer Hall Oompah Band songs. The songs that drive you to the table top and will have you belting out tunes at the top of your lederhosen-laden lungs. And here’s your list of Oktoberfest songs to listen to. We’ve compiled our top 50 song you’ll hear in the beer halls (ok maybe a couple less, but close to it)

S is for Your Sexuality is Selebrated At Stoke

Whatever it may be while you’re with us. We think that the world is a gorgeous wonderful beautiful rainbow filled with people who find joy in whoever they are and want to be and want to be with. Homophobia, transphobia – any phobia that’s not snakes or spiders or heights or agora – will not be tolerated. You hate, we don’t rate. Want a guide to a gay Oktoberfest? We got you.

T is for Titties (and Tooshies)

Because damn don’t those dirndls push them up, let ‘em shine. Here’s your guide to Oktoberfest costumes, how best to wear them, buy them.