Festival season is upon us! Well, as children of the world it was never down-off us, really. But with the advent of summer in the northern hemisphere it’s really here for reals, and we’re looking down the barrel of back-to-back, non-stop festivals full of music, merriment, new friends and even some weird shit.
We need to be careful, however, that our festival preparation matches our pre-festival excitement. Festivals inspire their own particular set of needs, and we need to make sure that we’re equipped to survive the manifold parties we’ve signed up for, whether financially through ticket purchases, verbally with friends or in blood. We need to enter festival season with the six Ps mantra on the forefront of our minds:
Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance
The thing with festival season is that each and every event will tax and challenge you in a unique manner. Some will fill your ears with too much bass, leaving you ringing for days; others will fill your legs with lactic acid and leave you in a state of constant burn. That said, there are some aspects of festival attending that are uniform across all events, and as such can be dealt with through some generic pre-planning (these details also match our basic human needs – how convenient!).
Breathing
This is the easiest festival need to prepare for. Make sure your mouth and nostrils are working, as you’ll need to breath through the latter when faced with festival dance-floor dust storms, and the former when confronted with mysterious odours when jam-packed into the mosh pit.
Water
Very important, and knowing this unscrupulous festival barons seek to profit from this very basic requirement of life. You won’t be allowed to take water in, so make sure you locate your nearest tap and frequent it whenever you feel cottonmouth coming on. Or, just go to Stoked In The Park, Pamplona, where you’re not only offered free drinking water, but unlimited beer and sangria also.
Food
Many a festival monster will try and get through the day, the night, and maybe the day again without eating, but we know those monsters as absolute dummies! Eating food is such an integral part of the festival going experience, with all events worth attending featuring exotic food trucks alongside caravans selling greasy fairground favourites. Usually you’ll start your day with paella and Tibetan momos and finish up with a face full of greasy fries and cotton candy in your hair.
Sleep
While it’s unlikely that you’ll get your eight hours, for multiple-day festivals make sure you’re in bed and nodding off before the sun comes up each day, because that way even if you’re only getting 90-minute’s sleep before being woken by the sounds of your tent neighbours chugging beer bongs, you can still kid yourself into believing you’ve had a full night’s kip. Or, come to a Stoke Travel festival, like La Tomatina where you can choose to sleep in a hotel and catch all the 40 winks your heart desires.
Clothing
Will it be hot? Yes. Will it be cold? Most likely. Will it rain? Will the wind howl? Snow? Drought? Tornados? We don’t know how they do it, but festival organisers always seem to out events in the most tempestuous environments possible. Expect mud flows and freezing rains and hot nights and freezing middays – and pack accordingly! But don’t pack too much, because you don’t want to carry all that stuff around. Forget sudoku, Rubik’s cubes and tetris, packing for a festival is the puzzle that will truly challenge you.
Shelter
Have this organised before you arrive! Are you going to camp? Get a hotel room away from the festival? Or not sleep/try not to sleep and pass out in the middle of the crowd? Whatever it is, you better have your sleeping arrangements arranged, because this is something that can’t be organised on the day. Unless you’re attending Stoked in the Park, and all Stoke festivals, where all accommodations come included in your ticket and are pre-prepared for your arrival.
Sex
You’re on your own with this one, but if you take care of the other basic needs then this one might just fall into place.
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