By now you know that this year Stoke Travel is offering Valencia hotel stays for La Tomatina as well as our legendary beachside campsite. Now everybody loves the campsite, because it’s been completely confirmed as the best time in Valencia EVER, but did you know that you can stay at our in-town hotel and still party at our campsite? Well you can, and in addition to this there are certain things that you can only do in the hotel that are unavailable in camp. Want to know what they are? Well in typical Stoke Travel media team fashion we’ve created a list for you! A list that may seem stupid, but there’s mucho sense amongst the stupidity. Read on!
Cook tomato flavoured instant noodles
There’s a way to cook instant noodles at the campsite, sure, but you can’t do it from your bed. One of the best things about staying in a hotel is having the ability to turn on the kettle, boil some water, and pour it over some dried-ramen X MSG goodness. This is a satisfying treat you can have any time of day, before the buffet breakfast (silly) or after a the official La Tomatina after-party (wise). At the campsite our tents are comfortable and come with mattresses, etc, but you can’t roll around in bed eating noodles watching CNN or Cartoon Network (fake news!) while Skyping your mum with the red tomato sauce dribbling down your chin.
Make sweet, noisey, passionate love
You totally CAN do this at the campsite, and to be honest you’ll receive nothing but a round of applause from us, but you probably don’t want to. See, despite the older generations bashing on about how we’ve got no morals and we’re too decadent and over-sexed, and so on, when it comes to imitating howler monkeys at 4am we’re all a little bit shy. Or maybe we’re polite. Whatever we are, most of us don’t want our tent neighbours to sit through a session of sexing because we wouldn’t like it if they made us endure their overly vocalised lovemaking. In a hotel, however, even if your neighbours can hear you you don’t give a shit, because you’re surrounded by real walls, so you can scream the house down for a full two minutes of passion.
Shower for as long as you want
Campsite showers are hit and miss, but we’re happy to boast that in Valencia ours are most certainly a hit. That said, common courtesy dictates that no matter how good your showering may be, you shouldn’t spend too long in there because your campmates would like a shower too. Really, the time you spend in a campsite shower should be somewhere between “real long” (take a plastic chair in) and “essentials only” (face, pits, crotch). In your hotel, on the other hand, you can spend as long as you want in the shower. You can spend all pippin’ day in the shower, picking tomato pulp out of each and every one of your orifices (tell us how many orifices there are for a sweet prize!).
Turn on the air conditioning
Unfortunately our tents don’t yet have AC, and so when it’s hot it’s hot and that’s that. You can run down the beach and cool off in the Mediterranean, or jump under the shower, but then you’re back to the heat. This is particularly spicy when you’re trying to have a siesta, which is Spanish for “essential pre-party catch-up nap”, as the Valencian sun is a relentless mistress, beating down upon the tent-tops with her firey whip for most of the day. Back in the hotel, though, you can crank the AC, kick back, eat your noodles, have some loud sex and then have a hot shower, because you’re now fancy as fuck in your little cubicle castle.
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