A Pamplona running bull has vowed to bring a bit of the old razzle dazzle to this year’s San Fermin festival.
The young male, who has spent the majority of his life training for this one event, issued some chilling premonitions during a recent press conference.
“I’m going to float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Those runners’ feet can’t avoid what their eyes can’t see. My horns are like lightning, they’re going to come at you fast and hot, and they’re sharp like samurai swords and as nimble as a ninja – you won’t even know i’m slicing you up.
“You’ve heard of the raging bull, but I’m not mad. I’m a cold, calculated runner-rolling machine. I’ve done all the training and now I’ve got you in my sights. There’s nothing you can do, your fate is set. I’m coming for you, i’ve always been coming for you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I’m stone cold. I’m a killer.”
Despite the threats, the big talking bull insists that he bears his potential victims no ill will.
“I don’t know anything about my upcoming victims, who they are, what they do, nothing. This isn’t about them. This isn’t personal. Heck, I even respect them. I think they’re good people. And I mean them no ill will. That said, I’m definitely going to make orphans of their children.”
When pressed on whether the bull’s talk was all bluster, he was sure of his position in the pantheon of fighting bulls.
“There’s no bull living or dead who’s as great as me. Those people should feel blessed to be gored by greatness. The horns of a god, coming inside you. I’m the best bull, the number one, the top hamburger. I’m the most beautiful, my rump is the juiciest, my ribs the tastiest. They call me Mr T Bone and I pity the fool who gets between this gorgeous bull and the finish line.
“I’m the greatest!”
The outburst has confirmed that running with the bulls is a really, really bad idea, but one that for some reason we’ll do anyway. A spokesperson for the bull runners told reporters that while participating in the tradition is obviously dangerous, most participants don’t even think about it.
“To be honest I don’t know what they think is going to happen. These bulls are literally half-tonne steamrollers who have had their horns sharpened so they can inflict maximum damage on anyone with the misfortune to be in their way. Sure, this particular bull says some pretty scary things, but to be completely honest it’s the quieter bulls we should be worried about – you won’t even hear them coming and WHAMMO. I don’t know why anybody runs with the bulls.
“But yeah, of course I’ll be running with the bulls this year, it’s so much fun!”
Stoke Travel caters for the lunatics who want to run with bulls, and the legends who are just there for the party. Make sure you stay with Stoke to get the most out of San Fermin, as we make sure you’re always where the action is – even going to the effort of putting a music festival on in our campsite.
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