A shocking new report has come out of Europe, suggesting that Germans are seriously really nice people. The report, gained from travellers’ experiences visiting Europe’s most populous country, suggest that the people of Deutchland are happy, welcoming, kind and fun, completely shattering all previous stereotypes.
Germans have long been thought of as the serious, humourless, hardworking Europeans, whose lack of love for life made them the ideal workers to prop up the economies of Europe’s lazier nations, but not really the people you’d want to party with. This latest report, however, throws doubt on these assumptions.
Professor Hans Burgerman of Dusseldorf University explains. “Ze Germans have for a long time suffered these incorrect stereotypes and we think it’s about time ze world knew just how nice we are. People think we are all serious because we do work hard and hardly ever smile, and that we have no humour because you have never seen us laugh, but that’s just not true. We are some of the happiest, gregarious and outgoing people you will ever meet, especially if you catch us drinking beer. Which we do for breakfast sometimes.”
Professor Burgerman explained that the stereotypes were somewhat born out of linguistics and history. “People say that ze German language is harsh, and we admit that it can be, but only when it has to be. Have you ever had a fair Bavarian maiden tell you Ich liebe dich? Or perhaps a helpful young man has offered you a Keine problem when you knocked over his Jagermeister? It is really a beautiful tongue, when you’re not being yelled at. As for ze history, well, what can we do? We did some bad things, but zat’s why we’re trying now to be extra nice now.”
Bridget Clapton, a young traveller from the States, has confirmed that the Germans really are actually kind of pretty nice. “Oh ya, so when I went to Munich for Springfest I just assumed that all the Germans were harsh, you know? All that SPRECHEN SIE DEUTSCH? stuff, plus they’re like the bad guys in every movie. But then I went there and everybody was sooooo lovely! They were really welcoming, invited me to dance on their tables with them, taught me how to say cheers… PROST! and just generally shattered all of the negative stereotypes. Wünderbar!”
But some analysts are warning travellers to not take the reports too seriously. “Yeah sure, the Germans are nice now, but have you ever been to a German comedy show? “hat do they even laugh at? What’s funny for a German? Bad engineering? Are all the jokes about bad engineering? Or poorly brewed beer? Ja have you seen the engine mounts on the new Toyota? Zey are like beer made without bubbles, and das isn’t güd. I just don’t know what they find funny, so I don’t know if they can actually be nice”, asked an activist from the anti-German thinktank, BratWORST.
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