Landlubber, Steven Wills, 23, has come to the conclusion that the ideal future for him is one spent swashbuckling across the seven seas.
The sealeg-less traveller had the realisation while sunning himself on the deck of a Croatian party boat, just after receiving a delicious chef-cooked lunch, while on his 8th beer for the day, somewhere between an idyllic ancient port city and yet another spectacular city.
“Yep, that’s me done. Looks like from here on in i’ll be hoisting the mainsail and cutting the bowlines loose. I have no idea why I didn’t get into sailing sooner, it’s the ultimate in freedom and the travelling is practically free,” exclaimed the poor swimmer whose knot tying prowess extends to shoelaces and no further.
“This is the life!”, he continued, “Ploughing my way from port to port, finding wenches in each, maybe take up smuggling for an extra bit o’ booty, yaharrrr I can see meself become a real ol’ salty sea dog.”
Wills reportedly came to the conclusion while lounging around in a hammock as the boat’s crew did all the work, failing to offer a helping hand once, even though any boat work he did would have counted as invaluable experience for someone newly devoted to the seafaring life.
In fact, when the captain of the purpose-built Croatian sailing skiff asked Wills to simply pass along a piece of rope, the newly minted mariner let out an audible groan, before dragging himself from his sun soaked perch to make a huge deal out of performing the basic task, threatening to make the 50-year career sailor “scrub the deck” if he isn’t careful.
Nevertheless, Wills is holding fast to his future life cavorting across the world’s oceans, and fellow boatmates on the Sail Croatia trip reported that he would spend hours on end staring out to sea,talking about far off lands and long lost wenches that the first time traveller has obviously never been to nor met.
Wills had gone so far that, despite Stoke Travel being the only sail Croatia operator that offers unlimited beer and sangria for only €10 per day, he refused to drink anything but rum, claiming that the fire water would protect him from scurvy.
At the time of publication Wills was looking into getting an anchor tattoo, as well as something featuring swallows, cementing his walk along the gangplank and into the fulltime seafarer’s life.
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