If you haven’t already noticed, we’re a little bit obsessed with travel buddies around here. We want you to get them the best gifts for the silly season, and we think that travel buddies are better than sex! This isn’t hyperbole, nope, we think the world of travel buddies, we’ve got ours, and we want to meet yours. Heck, we want to be your travel buddy.
But travel buddies, real travel buddies, the best travel buddies aren’t easy to come by. There are various criteria, and a travel buddy worth investing your time in will fulfill most, if not all of them. You can’t just have any old bum hanging around with you, and that’s why we’ve created this wish list. Make sure your potential travel buddies tick 90% of these boxes, then go and tear the world up with them.
Photo taking skills
A good travel buddy should be an effortless Instagram boyfriend. They should be able to get the shot both when you ask them to, and when you least expect it. Bonus points if they have super long arms to take selfies of the pair of you.
Map reading ability
This is particularly handy when you and your travel buddy head off the beaten track and try and track down the lost city of El Dorado, or find Tutankhamun’s treasure, or when you’re in the backstreets of Valencia, sixteen sangria’s deep, trying to find your way back to the hostel for a siesta.
Wing-personing
While your travel buddy is a substitute for near everything in your life, sweet sweet lovin’ ain’t one of them. You are strongly advised against getting freaky with your travel buddy, and to make this less likely, find a travel buddy who helps you get sweaty with strangers.
Hungover thing doing
Chances are that you and your travel buddy will spend many days of your Europe trip completely and utterly hungover. It’s a given. What you don’t want is to be tethered to some sad sack who spends these regular days moping around, grumpy, and feeling sorry for themselves. What you want is someone who gets a little kick from having the vinegar sweats, and who won’t judge you when you suggest topping the morning coffees up with Baileys.
Passenger seat staying awaking
This is a huge one for when you hire a car and do some cross country driving. It is literally against the law of friends to fall asleep in the passenger seat, and triply so for any potential travel buddies. Stay awake, find the best radio stations, open water bottles, supply snacks and be the map reading master we need you to be.
Snuggleability
Don’t worry, we’re not suggesting that you break the cardinal “no rooting your travel buddy” rule, but we are saying that sometimes, on trains and buses, it’s nice to have a squishy travel buddy to snuggle into.
Different appetite to you
Your travel buddy needs to either eat more or less than you do. If they eat less than you it’s fantastic, as you’ll always get bonus food whenever you finish off their uneaten meals. If they eat more than you, you won’t be embarrassed when you leave a half-full plate, an act that may be seen as offensive by many European grandmas.
Hair holding
When the going gets nauseous, the best travel buddies get in there, pull your hair out of your face, and free up your chunder flight-path, allowing the high-velocity bile to hit the hostel bathroom wall unimpeded.
Shot ordering
The best travel buddies come back from the bar with unexpected shots, and you love them so much you just can’t say no to them. Look at their little faces, holding those entirely unnecessary tequilas, how can you not get excited?
Storytelling
A very important trait in a travel buddy. They can either while away the hours while in transit telling you tales from their previous travels, or they can recall to new friends adventures that the two of you have been on together, hopefully embellishing your involvement and making you look like a real hero, thus wing personing at the same time.
Ice breaking
You’re going to meet a lot of new people while travelling Europe, and sometimes you’re not going to want to initiate a conversation with them. Well, a good travel buddy will, they’ll just front up and say hello to the table full of babes and before you know it you’ll be piggybacking some Lithuanian co-eds down the road.
Grenade jumping
Sometimes comes just after ice breaking. Let’s say that you’ve found the Lithuanian that you like and everything is going well, they like you, you can tell, but every time you want to lean in and give them a smooch, their buddy keeps on ruining it for you. If only someone could make out with the buddy, take them off your hands, and free up the sext Lithuanian… well, a good travel buddy will. They’ll jump on that grenade and take one for the team and you’ll be greenlit to ruin the situation for yourself.
Does your travel buddy tick most of these boxes? Well good for you. But if they tick all of them, you better get yourselves some of those Stoke Travel Passports and kick summer 2018’s butt as a dangerous duo.
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