JOSEPHINE RYAN MURPHY
Tomatoes are an incredibly underrated food. A wise man once said “Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”. Any food with a quote like that attached to it has to be good. Good enough that we’ve made a list of the five best things you can do with them.
Use Them To Freak Out People Who Hate Tomatoes
Apparently a lot of people hate tomatoes, which is weird. Really weird. And weirder still is that they only hate raw tomatoes, which doesn’t even make sense. Only annoying people despise only raw tomatoes specifically, but will still eat all other tomato related things. Annoying people are annoying to have around. How do you get rid of annoying raw tomato haters? Correct. With raw tomatoes, preferably high velocity, in the direction of their face. Enough said.
Gazpacho, in the words of Lisa Simpson, is “tomato soup served ice cold!”, although if it’s cold blended fruit then arguably it could also just be a smoothie? But that’s besides the point. It’s generally eaten with hard boiled eggs or olives and instead of eating it with bread like you would normal soup, it’s already blended up in there. The whole concept is a little strange but it’s a typical Spanish dish and when in Rome and all.
Make Bloody Marys
Not only are bloody Marys brilliant because people use them as a way of curing hangovers with more alcohol, they’re also a really fucking classy way of doing it. Bloody Marys started back during the era of the Bright Young Things meaning people like Gatsby were the ones that started this tomatoey way of concealing the fact that they’re drinking vodka with their breakfast. Genius.
Paint Them In Still Life
Painting is supposed to work wonders for your mental health. It increases brain activity, emotional intelligence, mobility, all things we could probably work on after all those Bloody Marys. Tomatoes are probably one of the easiest things to start painting too right? They’re round red shapes, can’t be much to it.
Throw Them At People
Quite obviously the best option. Who doesn’t love food fights? And there’s a whole festival dedicated to throwing tomatoes at each other! The whole town turns into a sea of bolognesed people manically throwing squishy tomatoes at each other. Acidic juices and seeds flying everywhere. It’s a huge messy salsa of chaos and good times.
Now that we’re on the same page when it comes to the beauty of tomatoes, come join us at La Tomatina! Especially if you’re one of those weird raw tomato haters, that would be hilarious.