A helping hand from Stoke to make sure you’re prepared for what this summer has in store.
JOSEPHINE RYAN MURPHY
Summer really is finally, almost here. Flights have been booked, knuckles are white from clutching Stoke passports for weeks, the thought of another second spent without a big ol’ jug of sangria is almost unbearable. But there are still a few things to consider before we can go galavanting around dressed in lederhosens and covered in food and alcohol. So just chill out for a second and make sure you’ve got everything you need for a summer of Stoke.
Wire cutters
So the second he’s not looking, you can destroy any chance of that elephant–embroidered poo–catchers wearing dude of ruining everyone’s night with acoustic renditions of Katy Perry.
Goggles
For snorkelling etc. but more importantly, to keep tomato acid out of your eyes. It all starts with one drop and then joyfully skipping through the streets of Buñol as tomatoes soar overhead becomes lying in tomato sludge, clutching your dissolving eyeballs, wondering where it all went wrong.
A sneaky, clean pair of shoes
For the inevitable moment you’re called out to do a shoey. It’ll be all over the second you catch eyes with your, previously potential, tent partner as you tip your disgusting, beer filled shoe towards your mouth. There’s no way they’re going to kiss sweaty–foot–beer breath.
Deodorant
Also known as ‘shower in a can’. Between peeing your pants running from bulls to partying on the streets of Pamplona, you more than likely won’t have time to shower and you’re gonna seriously want to smell the least piss-like as possible.
A super soaker
A carton of wine is all well and good but you will become an easy target. Standing in a circle of wine guns, helpless and unable to throw the contents of your carton far enough to defend yourself.
Seasickness pills for boat parties
To avoid what you thought would be an evening spent looking like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Wolf Of Wall Street drinking wine on his boat, turning into an evening spent feeling like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Wolf Of Wall Street after taking ludes.
If you haven’t already got your hands on a Stoke Passport, do it right now!
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