Some tips to help you through the festival come down.
JOSEPHINE RYAN MURPHY
You’ve just arrived back from a worriless world, dumped your bags on the floor and simultaneously felt reality dump itself on you. The past few days you’ve been camped out and intoxicated, dancing and partying surrounded by friends, blissfully unaware of the outside world. Glitter has been replaced with dust, face paint with face wash, queuing for the beer halls to sitting in traffic jams and lying spaced out staring at the stars with setting your alarm for work. It’s rough, but we’ve all been there and it does end. Here are a few little tips to help you on your way.
Take the damn band off
It’s disgusting. Look at it, really look. Is it bringing back fond memories or just giving you traumatic flashbacks to that white dude with dreadlocks that you thought was a great idea at the time? That thing has been lingering on your wrist, getting drenched in sweat and dirt and alcohol – among other things – for days. Do you think the collection of germ-infested fabric on your arm is going to impress some potential hook up? Or is it going to make them back away wondering if you’re also still wearing the same socks.
Shower
Numero duo, you smelly thing. This is going to be a pretty intense shower. You’re covered in things you can’t identify all smooshed into the layer of dirty and shame caking your entire body. Get ready to scrub off what you thought was a tan and scrape out the layers of glitter matted, seemingly permanently, into your hair. It’ll be worth it though, you’ll emerge a whole new being and for those first few minutes after you step out of the shower, you’ll even feel like this recovery might not be that bad.
Take advantage of your private toilet
Your bowels are probably pretty fucked up. You’ve been stuffing your body with alcohol and chemicals with a portapotty as your only option, too paranoid to stay in there for more than a few seconds in case you lost your friends or the smell stuck to you or some drunk asshole decided to tip it. But now, you have a whole bathroom with a whole roll of toilet paper and no one to disturb you. Enjoy.
Curl up in a ball
The shower high is passing. You can feel an aching pain starting at your head and seeping through your limbs all the way to your fingertips and toes. Find your bed, or the sofa or even just a soft patch on the floor, curl up for a while and rest those weary bones.
Fix yourself up
Drink lots of water, eat something at least vaguely nutritious and do not drink coffee. Fix up all the cuts and bruises you’ve probably accumulated and consider making an appointment for your GP – you don’t know where that guy might have been before you.
Watch the notebook on repeat so you at least have a reason to cry
You’ve probably also exhausted any serotonin left in your system and are desperately searching the Internet for ways to get it back. There’s nothing you can do but wait and just ride it through. Put on a sad movie so you at least have some solid reason to be sad, cuddle something soft and fluffy and let it all out.
Put your past behind you
Once you feel ready, pick yourself up, crack open a can and plan a trip to the beach. It’s common knowledge that jumping into the sea shocks any remaining hangover – or otherwise – straight out of you. You can do this, Stoke believes in you.
If you’re simply just not ready to go back to reality then get yourself a Stoke Passport and run away with us!
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