Ibiza is fantastic and you’re just going to love it. Is it the greatest place in the world? If you like having fun, then it may as well be. It’s a place where the rich and famous rub shoulders with the beautiful, wild and fun. Which one are you? We’re wild and fun.
But isn’t it so expensive? Maybe, but Stoke Travel have a solution for that, aka our Beach Camp, open all summer long for €60 a day and night and our spring break trips that come in at €220, for a hotel complete with a pool party and €1 beers all day long.
So yeah, now that we’ve established how fantastic Ibiza is, and how great the Stoke Travel Ibiza Beach Camp is, and how marvellous spring break Ibiza will be, you’re frantically booking your trip, we’re going to inform you of how to prepare for your imminent arrival with our Ibiza preparation guide.
How to prepare for your Ibiza trip
- Stop sleeping now
You will get some sleep in Ibiza, generally during the day or very late at night, or in the early evening, but with the fun as thick, fast and furious as it is in Ibiza you want to be as sleepless-fit as you can possibly be before you arrive. Some good ways to not sleep include being a massive disappointment to your family, a failure at your job, and to have horrible planning skills that result in you forever having deadlines hanging above your head, and running through your mind, when you should be sleeping and dreaming about tiny lambs covered in marshmallows.
- Stop eating now
Because there should be nothing higher on your agenda than looking super shredded and hot! And everyone knows that food is the enemy of a body-to-die-for… Of course we’re joking, good food is the key to great hotness, so never stop eating if you want to look as great as you can. BUT, when on Ibiza, you might eat less (despite Stoke Travel including meals in its package), because who is smashing sandwiches on the dancefloor? Not us! So while on the party isle you might be, hmmm, eating one meal a day less than off island. Or maybe two meals less every three days. But keeping up a three meals and two snacks regime is a little difficult when you’re peeling your face off under the judgemental strobes of one of the world’s most banging discos.
- Bleach all of your clothes white
The best way to “do” Ibiza is to look like an extra from a Puff Daddy film clip. Dress in all white, lurk about on a yacht, drink lots of champagne and spill it all over the place, but never appear drunk. Do this every day. Wear really small sunglasses, also, or really big ones. Never wear regular sized sunglasses.
- Bathe nightly
For a long time. Sit in the bath and soak, and don’t get out. Do everything from the bath. Chop your vegetables and do your homework in the bath, install a television in the bath and watch it from the bath. Do shots of tequila in the bath and as you do them scream out, Woo, yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, baby! You will notice that over time you will appear less wrinkled, less quickly. This will prepare you for all the pool parties you’ll attend on Ibiza.
- Inherit millions
Ibiza is notoriously expensive! Some people say that just getting a glass of water in a club will set you back more gold bars than you have, and don’t even think about entering said club, not unless you’ve got a sack full of diamonds… It’s not that extreme, but it is more expensive than other places Stoke go to. Now if you don’t inherit millions we’ve got just the solution to get you into all the places you want to be in — book with Stoke Travel! Our trips cost less and offer more than anybody else, we include meals and for only €10 extra a day we include unlimited beer and sangria. We also spend time every day getting our guests the best club entry and drinks deals, doing what we can to take the sting out of the unavoidably exorbitant Ibiza discotheque scene.
Stoke Travel goes to Ibiza twice in April for Spring Break and all summer-long for our Beach Camp and we’ll be seeing you there at some point and you will be perfectly prepared for your time on the island if you follow these five simple steps.
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