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Look, let’s be honest. Ibiza is a beautiful island with crystal-clear/azure waters and eyeball-melting mountains, cliffs and countryside. It’s full of nice restaurants, cafes, castles and the most beautiful people your b-division eyes have ever had the pleasure of feasting on.

Ibiza is also a place where parties happen non-stop, 24/7 from now until September, and most of those parties feature some form of electronic music, repetitive beats, you know what we’re saying chew-your-face-off kinda music. You know what we’re saying.

That drugs make this kind of music great! Or maybe better, but at least bearable. Only the hardest of core of electronic music fans will listen to electronic music completely sober, sitting in the car, on their way to do the shopping. The rest of us only listen to it when we’re either a) fucked up, or b) watching one of those “People Are Awesome” compilation videos.

But you’re not going to take drugs in Ibiza! Nope, no way, because you’ve read the pamphlets and listened to the priestesses and you know that drugs are bad. You’re not going to take drugs in Ibiza because despite Stoke Travel’s “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t hurt yourself” policy towards partying, you’re a responsible young traveller who wants to just get HIGH ON LIFE.

Here are some more reasons you won’t take drugs in Ibiza.

Alcohol

You won’t take alcohol in Ibiza because alcohol is drunk, not taken. And you will drink alcohol in Ibiza because at camp we have a €10/all-you-can-drink deal on beer and sangria. In da club you won’t drink alcohol because it’s super expensive, but even then you will probably buy a bunch of rum colas and then combine your hangover with bankruptcy.

Cigarettes

You won’t hit the cigarettes in Ibiza because we’re the vape generation, so instead we’ll sit around sucking on little robot dildos and blowing out vast plumes of apple-scented android fog, because we want to live forever even if we look like massive tools doing so.

Marijuana

You won’t smoke the devil’s lettuce in Ibiza because you don’t want to sit around being spun out on just how vast the universe is, man. You also don’t want to chill out, talking shit and enjoying the sunny beach days, while munching on the delicious meals whipped up by our in-camp cooks. You won’t want to suck on a delicious hash joint while you’re doing that at all.

Ecstacy

You won’t want to take a pill in Ibiza because you don’t want to be totally predictable. Everybody’s taking pills in Ibiza, because they’re pretty much perfect for the vibe and the music, but you won’t take any pills because you’re a mega individual.  

Cocaine

You won’t do any coke in Ibiza because you don’t want to be ducking into the toilets every 15 minutes. You also won’t need the extra energy while partying for 16-hours straight on the fourth day. You can just have a couple of octuple-shot espressos every 15 minutes; perhaps snort them, in the bathroom. You also won’t do cocaine because it probably costs like €50 a gram, and ain’t nobody going to fork out that kind of cash.

MDMA

You won’t do MDMA in Ibiza because you don’t want to feel really nice while looking really bad.

Ketamine

You won’t take special K in Ibiza because ketamine is designed to tranquilise horses so there’s no way that’ll be any good for partying all night in a club filled with thumping beats, beautiful weirdos and insane stage/light shows. No way at all…

Heroin/Meth

You won’t do heroin or meth in Ibiza because you’re not a bloody idiot.

There you have it. Are you now ready for some good, wholesome Ibiza fun? Come and join us at our Beach Camp, it’s a PG blast!

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Pues si chaval@s los chicos de VANS se “tiraron a la piscina” después del DUCT TAPE de Zarautz, los Tudor, Knost, Dan Reynodls, Tanner Guduaskas, Lee Ann Curren y parte del staff se lo pasaron en grande en el WAVEGARDEN, brutal la imagen de JOEL TUDOR en el nose de su log en medio del agua dulce de una piscina.
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Este fin de semana, se vuelven a juntar en Biarritz motos y tablones, gasolina y quillas, humo y parafina, en el Wheels and Waves. Una combinación ya extendida en varios eventos, que aunque no le acabamos de encontrar el nexo de unión, parece ser que funciona. Coches clásicos, motos cafe racer, tablas single fin, música […]
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As we look back on Springfest and reflect, misty-eyed, over the first festival of the Stoke Travel season, it’s easy to forget that sometimes things don’t go exactly according to plan.  We at Stoke want everybody to make the most of their festival and keep disappointments to a minimum. In our many years of experience getting people shitfaced and sending them off into Munich’s beer halls, we’ve seen it all – good and bad.  So in the spirit of giving, here’s a list of nifty tips and tricks compiled from the mistakes of others. They fucked up so you don’t have to.

Know how to get home

Okay, this one seems pretty basic, but it never ceases to amaze us how often people follow a crowd into the beer halls, only to realize several hours and liters later that they have no idea where home is.  Like helpless, drunken babes in the woods they wander, some for hours. If you need to, write the directions down. Make a mnemonic device. At the very least, remember the name of the campsite to tell a cab driver, because even the best days can take a sudden turn for the worse when facing the prospect of sleeping on a bench for the night.

Tip your bier frau

Let me preface this one with a fact: the bier fraus serving up liters at Munich’s beer halls do not give one single shit about you.  Not one shit. They have more customers than they know what to do with, and unless you speak German, your interaction with these elusive creatures is going to be brief.  The best most of us can hope for is that we haven’t somehow pissed off the gatekeepers of the golden nectar, and there are a couple easy ways to go about this. The first is to make sure you have a seat, because typically, only people at a table will get served.  The second is to always tip. Forget to toss a euro or two in for her trouble, and it very well might be the last time you see that alcohol angel.

Time your arrival

As I mentioned above, getting a beer in Munich’s halls is nearly impossible if you’re not sitting at a table.  People (tourists and locals alike) tend to stay for a while when they visit the festival, and so table space is valuable and coveted almost as much as beer itself.  Try to time your arrival to the beer halls with the natural cycle of guests. A couple hours before lunch is a good bet, as well as a few hours after. At Stoke, we like to head into town in the late afternoon/early evening, as the lunch crowd is leaving and the dinner crowd is starting to filter in.

Get comfortable in your clothes

Well, comfortable isn’t exactly the right word.  Lederhosen and Dirndls aren’t exactly the comfiest outfits in the world, and they take some getting used to.  Take our advice and pop those traditional bavarian beauties on a few hours before you go out.  Naturally, there’s a few insider tips we’ve gathered, which we’ll share with you now: If you’re wearing lederhosen, be careful with your squatting.  And your bending. And possibly stepping up too suddenly. Nothing’s quite as embarrassing (for you, hilarious for us) as taking a bow and splitting those tight leather pants right up the crotch.  Ladies, when you put your dirndls on, pay attention to how other (preferably German) women are wearing it. The sash on your apron also has a special significance to it, depending on where you tie it.  Left side means single, right side taken, and in the middle means virgin (which, let’s not kid ourselves, you aren’t).

ID

This is a quick one.  Bring your ID. Just do it.  You probably won’t need it, but beer halls do check occasionally.  Better to have it and not need it than need it and have to come all the way home while your friends are busy drinking.

Go wild

That’s what the festival is for! Don’t be shy, scull that stein and hop up on the table for a rousing verse or two.  Shout, pound the table. Have another liter. Have another liter. Ride some carnival rides (Stoke is partial to the fun house).  Buy a giant schnitzel. You’ve come a long way to experience a German beer festival, so you might as well make the most of it. The locals will be right there with you, letting loose after several months of mild-mannered and efficient work.

We’ve got a long season ahead before Stoke rolls back into Campingplatz Obermenzing for the madness of Oktoberfest, so that means plenty of time to commit these to memory.  And also a fair bit of training in the finer arts of beer drinking.

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La Tomatina is coming soon, and with it all of your body’s holes filled with tomato pulp! Glorious! Tomato seeds, tomato juice, tomato skin, all combining and getting deep inside you following the hour or so of delightful mayhem that is throwing salad fruit at each other.

Not many punters know much about the manifold and diverse orifices of a human body; hardly anyone can number just how many holes the average human houses. Here at Stoke we’re decade-long veterans of the tomato fight, and as such we’re intimate with our bodily cavities being filled each and every end of August. This is why we’ve gone through each and every orifice and explained just what happens when these holes are violated by tomato detritus. Shall we start at the top?

Orifices one and two – ear holes

Ear holes are for hearing, unless you’re deaf, at which point they’re just for decoration. Tomato pulp of all kinds will enter your ear hole orifices and,  given the spirally nature of the lead-in to the ear holes this tomato waste can be pretty tenacious in its hanging on. Oftentimes the ears and ear holes are the last bits to be cleared of tomatoes – especially the tomato skin, which kind of hides behind the weird flappy bits of your ears.

Orifices three and four – tear ducts

Tear ducts are weird orifices, in that they’re kind of a one-way orifice. There is no pornographic genre devoted to fruits/vegetables penetrating tear ducts, while ear holes and nostrils each count millions of daily viewers. Tomato pulp isn’t going to get in your tear ducts, but it will get around your tear ducts. The thing with tomatoes and eyes is that tomatoes are on a mission to reshape eyeballs in their image, to change the very consistency of the human eye so that all remains is a glowing red orb that can’t be healed by drops or lemon juice, dooming the bearer to wander the earth with a pair of glowing rubies wedged into their cranium.

Orifices five and six – nostrils

The nostrils are on the front line of the pulpic attack, and as such are breached by more tomato-bits than any other part of the body. But never fear, as the nostrils are easily cleaned, simply close off all other orifices and blow out hard – the blockages will force the tomato, plus all your boogers, out of your nose and onto the person next to you.

Orifice seven – mouth

The mouth is the orifice most accustomed to tomato, and therefore the orifice least affected by La Tomatina. When you get the seedy bits in your mouth – due to you being a mouth breather, or because you copped a face full mid battle-cry – you won’t feel all that strange. Your body will be like, Oh yeah, I’m eating a tomato, and you’ll probably feel exceptionally healthy, because when’s the last time you ate raw, fresh fruit you fucking travelling heathen?

Orifices eight and nine – nipples

Nipples are like tear ducts in that they’re pretty much a one-way street, unless you’re a guy in which they’re a no-way street. Like, seriously, why do guys even have nipples? And why, outside of French and Spanish beaches, are women’s useful nipples deemed so offensive? Free the nip! Let them slip! Free nipples from censorship and allow them to be lathered in tomato juice, just like god intended.

Orifice ten – urethra

You might get a little tomato juice in your urethra, like a molecule or so, and you will know because it will sting a little. When that happens you should wince, do a little pee pee, and carry on. If your urethra continues to sting, perhaps go and see a doctor because that’s definitely not from tomatoes.

Orifice eleven – anus

Not much tomato will get in-in your poop chute, but it will make its way down your crack and get deeply wedged into a pretty dark place. Plus, when you’re washing the tomato from other parts of your body it will cascade down and end up between your butt cheeks, but mostly will avoid going actually into your anus. For the bits of tomato that do enter the chamber of forbidden delights, we suggest digging it out with a finger, maybe two if you’re really open minded.

Bonus orifice – vagina

Women La Tomatina attendees are blessed with an extra orifice that is generally used to bring new life into the world! How wonderful! Many guys are unaware about this bonus orifice’s existence (note: idiots on social media calling women “two holes” – they’re twelve holes, ya nincompoops!), but to the initiated, we know all about this blessed extra orifice women possess. BUT, as marvellous as vaginas are, tomatoes don’t discriminate, and will make their way into vaginas if given half a chance. Therefore, women, be aware that you may be digging tomato pulp out of both your fanny (American) and your fanny (the rest of us).

Don’t let this scare you, in our decade of attending La Tomatina not one traveller has had any long-lasting detriment from having their holes filled with tomato guts, although that one lady did give birth to an unfortunately red and round baby that one time… if you’re extra worried about cleaning up your holes, consider Stoke Travel’s hotel stays, now with private showers so you can spend hours exploring your entries and hoisting out buried seeds before they sprout inside of you.

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Del 7 al 10 de Junio, Biarritz volvió a respirar un ambiente de surfing clásico que trae año tras año el Belza Classic. Allí se reunieron un buen elenco de grandes riders Europeos, como Ben Skinner, Jack Unworth, destacando sobretodo riders locales Franceses como los hermanos Del Pero, el joven Julex Lepecheux, Romain Maurin, Cornelius […]
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So you’re trying to watch the World Cup 2018, are ya? We’re not surprised.  I mean, you clicked the link, and it’s also one of the most watched television events in the world.  The question, though, is where are you going to watch it? Being so popular, it’s likely that most bars and pubs will be screening the games, but there’s only a couple ways to watch the games in Stoke-Style.  Here’s some reasons to join us at our three Barcelona locations, Scruffy Murphy’s, Kitty O’Shea’s and George Payne, to catch all the World Cup action this summer.

Meal Deals

Certainly not every game, but most of the games you care about are going to be during a meal time.  While it’s true that a lot of places will be showing the games, that’s about as far as they’ll go to accommodate the football superfan.  That means big crowds and long wait times for food–unless of course you’re watching somewhere with a World Cup package. Tune in at Kitty O’Shea’s, Scruffy Murphy’s or George Payne and you’ll be living large, watching your team with a plate of chicken wings, a pitcher of beer, and two shots to your name.

World Cup Drink Specials

I don’t care how big a fan you are, let’s be real for a second.  Whatever team you’re rooting for, however much your personal happiness is wrapped up in the game at hand, don’t try to pretend the match isn’t a little better with a drink in hand. All sports are.  And Stoke’s partner bars are serving up World Cup drink specials for every game. That’s right, all three of our Barcelona locations are ready to give discounts just for being a sportsfan!

Sideline Entertainment

Per usual, we aren’t content to leave well enough alone.  The World Cup is great and all, but who doesn’t love a bit of live entertainment?  If you stop by one of our Barcelona locations for a game, chances are you’ll be lucky enough to catch some Stokies getting rowdy.  We’ll be turning up for the big games to run World Cup themed games, hold contests and giveaways, and just get generally weird. Don’t worry, we won’t distract you from the action, unless you want us to.

Bipartisan Excitement

Or, we don’t give a fuck who wins.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing Stokies love more than a bit of healthy competition.  Jeering, boasting, shit-talking, we love it all. But we’re more concerned with having a good time than whose team is winning. That being said…

Barcelona Is The Place To Be

We all know that Spain’s going to clean up this year.  All three of our World Cup 2018 watch party locations are tucked in the heart of central Barcelona, which is going to be the happiest place on earth each time Spain takes another W.  Whether you’re at Scruffy Murphy’s, George Payne, or Kitty O’Shea’s, you’ll be in prime location to flood the street, chanting, shirt over your head. Either that or you’ll be present to witness the Spaniards drown their sorrows in as many cocktails as they can get their hands on.  Like we always say, win or lose, we booze.

Follow Stoke Travel and Stoke Barcelona on Facebook for all of our World Cup 2018 announcements, events and giveaways.  

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Acaba de salir un nuevo vídeo sobre el DUCT TAPE de Zarautz, con entrevistas a los protagonistas y bonitas imagenes de un evento espectacular.
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El pasado fin de semana nos desplazamos hasta Bizkaia, mas concretamente a la playa de Sopela, por segundo año al LIQUID SWING FESTIVAL un evento donde las tablas twinfin son las protagonistas. La jornada se desarrolló bajo unas buenas condiciones de olas y un sol que atrajo con el paso de la horas a numeroso público. La […]
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