Population: Klein aber oho! (small but selective)
Language: some weird kind of German
Nationality: Austrian (no kangaroos!)
Cookie-cutter must sees: feeling serious? Here are the serious sights:
Schloss Schönbrunn – it’s a fancy ass castle, once built for a former Austrian emperor. Don’t forget to bring some wine and cheese to pretend to be fancy too.
Wiener Rathaus – city hall of Vienna. There are wine festivals in the summer and Glühwein in the winter, so mostly a socially acceptable place to get drunk.
Museums Quartier – Nice open spaces to chill out, surrounded by museums. Perfect location to play the game: Hipster or Hobo?
Wiener Naschmarkt – Vienna’s belly. This market offers you a wide range of food to build a solid foundation before a night out.
Wiener Prater – Outdated amusement park in the middle of Vienna, where you can ride on the famous Riesenrad which London copied with its London Eye.
The alternative stuff: feeling avant-garde? Here are the insider tips:
Donaukanal – aka the “living room of Vienna”. Step by step guide on how to be a real Viennese: get some supermarket beers, bring your speakers, gather your friends and get wasted at the edge of the Danube canal. Don’t fall into the water!
Dachboden at the 25 hours hotel – Super nice rooftop terrace. You’ll feel like home when you read the big letters over the entrance saying, “We are all mad here”. Plus it has a five-star rating on TripAdvisor for best Tinder date spot!
Pratersauna – Once a brothel, now a techno club. One of the best venues for electronic music in town!
Tel Aviv 210 – Fancy beach bar located at the Danube Canal (told you it’s a good spot). Watch in the summer the half-naked girls running by while you enjoy an ice-cold beer. Best alternative if you don’t have a TV at home.
Under no circumstances does Stoke recommend….nudge nudge, wink wink
Eating at the Wiener Deewan when you’re not hungry. Three things to convince you: all-you-can-eat buffet, pay-as-you-wish concept and lots of left-winged girls and hippie guys.
Going to Loco during Sober-October. The happy-hour starts with 50¢ per cocktail. Everything’s cheap and easy here: the entry, the alcohol and the girls/guys.
No seriously, Stoke does not recommend:
Buying weed at Schottenring – if you’re a passionate lover of expensive oregano, go ahead!
Calling an Austrian, German – equals your death sentence.
Being greedy – when it comes to tipping a waiter, better be generous or go and find a job!