We’re gonna need more than ein stein, Einstein.
Oktoberfest is fast approaching and all things Germanic are on our minds again. It’s easy for us to slip into the German way of treating beer like water – particularly when the beer has supposed hangover-dodging properties, we have a culinary hit list just waiting to expand our waistlines, and we already know how cute we’ll look in our dirndls and lederhosen.
So now we look the part, and from a distance we could almost maybe pass off for real life Germans. But, as soon as someone gets within earshot of us they’ll realise that we’re not the real deal. That we’re either Canadian, or Kiwi, or Japanese, or any one of the 90 different nationalities that stayed with Stoke Travel last Oktoberfest.
So here’s a handy little language guide to take with you to Munich. You might want to practice these little phrases on your flight there, or on our London-Oktoberfest party train. Danke schon Google Translate!
Hallo! Können wir bitte auf Ihrem Tisch tanzen?
Hello! Can we please dance on your table?
- When you hit the beer halls you’ll find that sometimes tables are hard to come by – and if you don’t have one, you won’t get served. Solve this problem by dancing on someone else’s, so that way they don’t lose their seat and you can stomp out all of your best moves amongst their bratwursts and sauerkrauts.
Ich sah dich nur von der anderen Seite des Raumes und dachte, “Das ist die Art von Mädchen / Typ, die mir ein Bier kaufen sollte.”
I just saw you from across the room and thought That’s the kind of girl/guy who should be buying me a beer.
- If you’re talking to Germans there’s a good chance that they’ve got more money than you. Ask them to buy you a beer first, and if they do it means you might be in with a chance at claiming your first German flag.
Wow, du füllst das Dirndl / die Lederhose wirklich gut aus.
Wow, you really fill that dirndl/lederhosen nicely.
- The traditional Oktoberfest outfits are designed to accentuate your best assets. For girls the dirndls make for wonderful cleavage, and for guys there’s a big bulky flap where your peepee should be. People love being complimented on their physical appearance, unless they don’t want to be complimented on their physical appearance, in which case you should absolutely avoid it.
Nein, nein, trink nicht davon – jemand hat einfach nur gekotzt!
No, no, don’t drink from that – somebody just puked in it!
- Oktoberfest isn’t the best place in the world to “table surf”, that is go from table to table finishing off people’s drinks. At Oktoberfest it can be a bit of a walk to the bathrooms, so it isn’t uncommon to see people peeing and puking in their glasses – or at least the recently refilled glasses. Make sure your potential sweetheart doesn’t give themself somebody-else’s-puke breath.
Wenn ich alleine stehen kann, bringst du mich nach Hause, Deal?
If I can stand on my own you’re taking me home, deal?
- By your third or fourth Maß, which is German for the litre-deep beer glass you’ll be drinking from, you’ll be very truly feeling the effects of the strong Oktoberfest beer. Those effects are compounded if you’ve been sitting for a while – resting those dancing legs – and then go to stand up again. Impress your new friends by standing up all on your own, then continue to own the dancefloor dance-table so that they can’t resist but either take you home, or come home with you, at which point you’ll need to be able to say…
Dein Zelt oder meins?
Your tent or mine?
- Stoke Travel’s main mating call. Sure, your German friend might not be sleeping in a tent in Munich, but they’ll be so charmed by your bravery and cute attempts to master their tongue, both in language and kissing, that they’ll either take you home, come back to the Stoke camp with you, or put you in a taxi and bid you auf wiedersehen. In any case that’s a win-win-win. Prost!
The linguistic and seductive geniuses at Stoke Travel will be in Munich from the 20th of September until October 8th for all of your Oktoberfest needs. All-inclusive trips include breakfast and dinner, and limitless German lessons from our onsite staff. Come! Bitte!
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