We’re looking at sunburn or misery, that’s all there is about it
Stoke Travel has announced that they will again be holding their London Stoked in the Park and Big Day Out events outside. In what is seen as a massive gamble, the organisers have admitted that they’re really looking at a lose-lose situation.
“Given that the previous two London Big Day Outs were held under sunny skies, the law of averages and a rudimentary knowledge of English weather says that this year it will be overcast at best”, offers Liv, one of the few Stoke Travel employees lucky enough to based out of London and not Barcelona, “which is good news for us. Last year we got a little sun and the first aid tent was inundated with winter pasty Aussies and Kiwis suffering from their first good sunburn of the season, while the Brits who showed up were pretty much see through. They looked like those Vietnamese spring rolls until the weak spring sun started to sizzle them.”
The event attracts thousands of Australians and New Zealanders every year, with its sporting competitions, parties and cultural activities, some venturing out of the gaff for the first time since September.
“We know that a lot of the antipodean community here in London treat the months from September until May as a bit of a hibernation, leaving the flat to go to the off license, or to work if they have to. Even those who have to work outside don’t really see sun because it’s usually overcast, or the sun’s so low in the sky it doesn’t move above the building. Bottom line is, the anglos are all coming into the summer fucking bright white and are prime candidates to turn bright red at the first hint of sunshine. I don’t know how they’re going to go in the rugby, probably be a bit sensitive to the touch.”
This year Stoke Travel are adding Stoked in the Park to their Big Day Out meaning there will be equal parts a social mixer for the Australian and Kiwi community in London, as well as a chance to see once and for all who the dominant sporting, and drinking, nation is. The Big Day Out will feature rugby, league, touch, netball and dodgeball tournaments, while Stoked in the Park will be where the bar, food, bands and DJs are found, as well as Dad’s Backyard, a place to feel like you’re back at home with daggy tunes, goonbags pegged to the hills hoist, and the old bugger himself burning snags on the BBQ.
“Knowing our luck it’ll be sunny again, so we’re just letting everybody know to take the sun seriously. Bring sunscreen, and one of those hats with the flaps that goes down your neck, heck, Aussies bust out those Akubra hats with the corks that you guys sometimes wear unironically. We are well aware that there is plenty of ozone layer up here, unlike at home, but if you’ve been in London over winter chances are your moontan won’t support too bright lights, let alone the real sun.”
When approached with the prospect of spending a day in the May sun, London’s Aboriginal, Maori and Islander communities had much less to complain about, suggesting that the day would be “deadly”, “mean” and “shot uce”, which we are taking to mean they are looking forward to it.
Stoked in the Park London and London Big Day Out will be held in West London on the 19th of May, for sports fans and party animals alike. Come and join us for a day under the sun, but make sure you bring some aloe vera gel for relief afterwards.