London, England. Stoke Travel are expecting huge crowds at their London Big Day Out, in West London on May 19th, as revellers from the royal wedding seek out a real fucken party.
The wedding, between the Ginger prince Harry (who’s real name is Henry Charles Albert David – we have a hard time trusting a man with two first names, but Hazza’s got four!) and American actress Meghan Markle, is planned for the same day as Stoke’s London Big Day Out sports and culture day and Stoked in the Park music festival, meaning that invitees have a hard decision about which party to attend.
Royal insiders have spoken of Prince Harry’s dismay at the overlapping dates, claiming the party prince would have loved to get loose in West London with international bands and DJs, including Yolanda Be Cool, Honey Haze, and more, and may have even considered lacing up the boots again and giving the rugby league tournament a bit of a lash, or at least mixed netball.
Stoke Travel’s London spokesperson, Olivia Bromley, says that while they do expect many wedding invitees to ditch the royal nuptials and instead spend the day sitting on the grass imbibing on Australian and New Zealand beers and wines, many who can’t just pull a no-show will use the London Big Day Out as an epic pre and afterparty.
“Yeah I don’t know what the royals were thinking planning a wedding on the same day, they didn’t think that through, did they? I’m sure that many people will simply ditch the wedding, which is bound to be way more boring than the sports, culture, food and music we have planned for the London Big Day Out. That said, some will have to go to the wedding, and we fully expect them to come to Grasshoppers Rugby Football Club beforehand and afterwards to make the most of the party we’ve got planned. There’s a place for limo access, so it’ll be easy for them to get dropped off, rage for a bit, and then scoot back to the wedding.
“It’s a shame Harry can’t make it. Every other year he’s had a ripper time at this event, last year he was crowned the King of Shoeys in Dad’s Backyard, a part of the party set up like a wild Saturday BBQ at your parents’ place (goon of fortune, etc). We all thought it was classic, because as sixth in line to the throne it’s definitely the closest he’ll ever get to being king. Haha.”
There were initial reports that royal planners wanted to move the entire wedding to the London Big Day Out grounds, but Stoke Travel resisted the idea due to not all of their clients being interested in that kind of thing. Bromley continued, “Our people come to the LBDO to play some sport, drink some booze, chat up some hotties and dance like lunatics. Unfortunately, the royal wedding doesn’t really align with those values, and so we had to deny their request to tack their wedding onto our event. The last thing we want is to shove a wedding down your throat when alls you’re trying to do is enjoy your big day under the London sun.”
The London Big Day Out is on May 19th, at Grasshoppers Rugby Football Club, in West London. There will be sporting events and live music from Yolanda Be Cool, The Kiwi Pips, Mesmeriser, Jayson Norris, Bondi Beach Bums, Paul The Kid, Jimmi Nolan and Honey Haze. Attendees will be able to eat Down Under tucker and drink beer and wines from Australia and New Zealand. We won’t be running shuttle buses to the royal wedding, because once you’re amongst the London Big Day Out you’ll be having so much fun you won’t give a fuck about two strangers getting married. Tickets still available, over here.
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