You backpack with one and make the beast with two backs* with the other.
Here at Stoke we’re always extolling the virtues of travel buddies, those fabulous friends you can frolic the world with, but fuck buddies are pretty alright also! Somebody to strings-free straddle within the confines of your own bed, or a fast-food restaurant bathroom. Travel buddies and fuck buddies fulfill different purposes, but they’re both important in their own special ways; they satisfy different needs, and either of them can make you happy, or sad, content or frustrated, depending on what they do or don’t do.
And in an ideal world you would have both! You would have multiples of both, a travel and/or fuck buddy for whatever situation you’d find yourself in, maybe some overlappers, so you can get slapped while strapped in to your backpack. But this isn’t an ideal world, this is Stoke Travel’s world, and for the sake of this exercise we’re saying that you can only have one, you have to choose, between a travel buddy and a fuck buddy. What’s it going to be? (Don’t answer yet, look at our reasoning, dummy!)
You catch a plane with one, and don’t catch feelings with the other
You can’t wait to do things with your travel buddy, see new places, have memorable experiences and fill your life together with excitement. Every moment with your travel buddy is one of discovery, of adventure, of living life solely for pleasure and chasing new kicks around foreign corners, getting lost, but doing it together and living only for the moment.
With fuck buddies you’re kind of doing the same thing, but on a physical level, not on a global one. And you’re very careful to not let the relationship enter the emotional level, because then you’ll develop a thing for your fuck buddy and one night declare your eternal love for them and that will be that, they’ll be out the door and you’ll be laying there suffering from feelingitis.
One you can text at 3am for some fun, the other is down for good times 24/7
Best thing about fuck buddies is that, unlike your ex, they’re usually stoked to hear from you at 3am, yelling into your phone at the club, or just sliding into their DMs asking Wot u up 2? They’ll say, The doors open, or Do you want me to pick you up?, or Nothing, wbu? And that’s a gorgeous thing, a lovely thing, a handy thing, but then you don’t really contact them during the sober hours, and sometimes you feel bad about your drunken antics, while with your travel buddy it’s like, Let’s have fun when we’re drunk, and then again when we’re hungover and if we’re ever sober we’ll have fun then too! Your travel buddy is down for fun 24/7.
They’re both always down for oral pleasure, it’s just that one stimulates your ears, while the other…
Oh yes, that’s the spot, keep going, don’t stop now, you’re so good at… telling stories! Because you’re a travel buddy, and travel buddies will always fill the boredom with stories, stories from home, about their friends and family, stories about last night, just stories. Travel buddies are the best at using their tongues and lips to show you a good time. Fuck buddies worth keeping will also do this.
A good travel buddy is always on top, while a fuck buddy worth holding onto mixes it up
Top bunk! A solid travel buddy will happily jump up on the top bunk without you even having to ask them, they’ll even shotgun the top bunk, spring up there and lull you to sleep with the sound of them adjusting their but on the mattress. Squish, squash, squeak. That’s tops! But a fuck buddy that insists on always being on top, or on the bottom, is a fuck buddy that ain’t worth your time and attention, nup uh, your fuck buddy better mix it up, or they better fuck right off.
You’ll actually miss your travel buddy when they’re gone, but you can’t wait to see the back of your fuck buddy
You’ll cry when your travel buddy leaves you, and cry internally every minute that your fuck buddy hangs around longer than they need to. The beauty of having a fuck buddy is that they know what’s up and when it’s no longer up, they better get out. Travel buddies are soul mates, gorgeous beautiful beings, who you want to have around as long as possible.
If your travel buddy is hitting you from behind, it’s because they want your attention
Hey, Jeff, check out this sweet ice cream store, want one? When your fuck buddy is hitting you from behind they better not be thinking about ice cream, or if they are that’s cool too, we guess, just not our thing.
Your travel buddy won’t insist you always wear protection, but your fuck buddy should
If it’s raining out, your travel buddy might suggest that you wear a raincoat, or if you’re embarking on a hike they might hint that more durable shoes are needed, or they might recommend a particular travel insurance to you, looking out for your well being, because travel buddies are guardian angels. Fuck buddies, on the other hand should always have protection in mind, and be prepared for it, otherwise they’re a good for nothing bum.
You want to keep your fuck buddy at arm’s length, while you’ll go to great lengths to get your travel buddy in your arms
Travel buddies flourish in the hug zone, that’s where they shine, where they are their most useful and do their best work. Get ’em in there and squeeze them tight, don’t let them go. Fuck buddies are sometimes allowed to hug you, but they better not get comfortable doing so.
You let your fuck buddy into your pants, but a travel buddy gets right into your heart
Awwww, we’re making ourselves fucken sick now.
While fuck buddies are handy for handies, it’s clear that we prefer travel buddies over everything else. Plus a good travel buddy works as an excellent wing person, so really, when you’ve found the right travel buddy you don’t need a fuck buddy. You don’t need a fucking anything. Share this with your travel buddy so they know you love and cherish them, and then go and get a Stoke Passport together.
* Sounds vulgar, but it’s Shakespeare:
“I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.” — Iago, Othello, Act One, Scene One
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